L. Chris Cannida, LPC

As some people consider seeking a psychotherapist or counselor (often used interchangeably), they may question how “just talking” to a professional might be helpful. Many of my clients have told me that they believed talking with someone who was not closely connected to their personal situation, and who could remain non-biased, was what led them to make the call. Others are drawn to therapy because of the confidentiality it offers. But what makes “just talking” helpful? If you’re considering therapy, though are unsure it would be any more helpful than venting to a friend, consider the following:

1. A therapist is trained to listen. What is it about listening that would require a person be trained? Therapists are educated to manage their own biases in order to focus on the client’s needs. In fact, it is highly recommended that even seasoned therapists seek consultation from peers in the field so they can ensure they are listening and considering the client’s needs with complete objectivity.
2. Therapists aren’t “just listening”. While a safe space to vent may feel great to the client, the therapist is doing more than just listening until the client has emptied themselves from distressing thoughts and emotions. A therapist can listen for any long-standing patterns of thinking that may be getting in the way of you living the life you want to live.
3. Therapists aren’t afraid to lose your friendship. That’s because your relationship with a therapist isn’t a friendship. It is professional. The boundaries set in place for you by this professional connection protect you and allow the therapist to be honest with you about what they observe. Because of the safety in this well-structured relationship, the therapist can help you confront difficult aspects of your life and self in ways that foster healing and growth. Since it isn’t a friendship, there is no assumption that you are responsible for how your therapist feels. Having an entire hour in your life where the only person you are responsible for is you can be a powerful way to change.
4. Therapists know the thought-feeling connection. Many therapists, especially those who practice cognitive therapies, understand how to help you change unwanted feelings by challenging thought patterns that may be keeping you stuck in an unwanted emotional place.
5. Therapists understand how the mind and body work together. Some therapists are well-versed in somatic-based treatment. This means they can empower you by teaching you to better manage some aspects of your nervous system. By doing so, you can experience positive results in managing anxiety, the effects of traumatic events on your life, and a depressed mood. Although some of our body’s neurological and physiological responses may also require treatment by a medical doctor who can prescribe medications, having the support of a well-trained therapist can enhance your healing.

Therapists typically aren’t finished with their training after graduate school. Throughout their careers, they are required to continue that education annually and some even begin to carve out specialty skills. This professional development doesn’t preclude them from sincerely caring about your well-being. Many therapists enter the field because they believe they are called to care for others while using specific gifts in helping people transform their lives. In fact, many therapists are well-trained in not only the science of psychotherapy, but also the art of it.  So while you are doing all this talking in their office, it can feel as comfortable and authentic as if you were just sitting down with that trusted friend. The exception is that you have the undivided attention of a trained professional who is focused on only you.

If you wonder if working with a therapist or counselor might be a good fit for you, I recommend you research those in your area. You have every right to make sure the one you choose is skilled in the area of your need and is trained to give you the best possible care. The healing agent of talking might be what you need.

“The purpose of psychotherapy is to set people free”. – Rollo May

Some clients know exactly what issues they want to address when entering therapy.  They know how they feel and that they want to change that feeling.  Still others struggle to identify the uncomfortable negative emotions weighing them down.  The latter of these will start their initial session with statements similar to “I’m not sure why I’m here”.  Even others know deep down that they need to “process” their story, yet run from the feelings behind the words.  When asked what progress will look like or how they’ll know when the therapy process is complete, they fumble with creating a clear picture of life as they’d desire it to be.  For the first few sessions, it may seem as if there’s no point in sitting down with a professional to talk things out.  In this grey area, without seemingly clear goals for healing or growth, there is a risk of clients dropping out of the process before realizing benefit.  If the process is effective in helping put their distress into words, and if this happens too suddenly, it’s not unusual for a client to “ghost” the therapist (discontinue therapy without closure). This risk intensifies if there is difficulty finding the words to tell their story.  Sometimes even therapy feels like too much.  And that’s okay.  The timing and necessity for therapy is unique for everyone.  While a person’s blind spots may prevent them from seeking help sooner than later, seasoned therapists give clients a respectful and safe space to make the decision for themselves, without judgement and blame.  Admittedly, many therapists feel a twinge of sadness when they watch a client prematurely deny the help for which they’d finally mustered strength and courage to ask.  For me, I always wonder if there was some conversation we might have had that would have helped them bond with the process that could be most helpful.

The timing and necessity for therapy is unique for everyone.

If you find yourself stranded in murky waters and can’t quite pinpoint your source of distress, or setting the course for positive change in therapy leaves you feeling lost, consider a look at your value system.  Quite possibly, you may see that a part of your unrest is caused by not living a life consistent with what’s truly important to you.  Being misaligned with your values can create an emotional disturbance, a sense of disorganized living, and an irritability toward life.  Left unattended this can lead to anxiety and/or depression.  Navigating the therapy process becomes easier when using your value system as a reference.  It’s about asking “Who Am I, Really?” and “Who do I want to be?”  Use this simple guide to locate your truest self and your therapeutic journey can begin and end with a clarified destination.

Consider your whole self – Bring structure to your search by recognizing the major ways in which you express yourself in life.  In addition to our physical self (our health), we have a relational, vocational, and even spiritual self that needs expression and our mindful attention.

Measure Your Spending – Make note of where you’re spending your time, money, focus, and energy.  What you find in this measure may include regrets, a need to forgive others or even yourself, and possibly lead to grief about losses (some uninvited and some necessary). Reflect on both positive and negative times in your life to recognize when you’ve been depleting yourself without good cause and when you’ve felt a greater sense of well-being and wholeness.

Be honest – When taking inventory of who you are and how you’re living this life, be totally transparent with yourself.  This honest consideration will include a look at what you belief about yourself, others in your life, and the world in general.  It will most certainly bring rise to any feelings about all you discover.  Don’t run from the emotions that surface.  Learn from them and use them to guide your efforts in change.

Shift with intention – Once you have a realistic view of where you’ve been, use your therapy space to proactively step into any readjustments needed.

Navigating the therapy process becomes easier when using your value system as a reference.  It’s about asking “Who am I, really?” and “Who do I want to be?” 

Therapy can be daunting.  Your therapist has the flashlight of her (his) training, experience, and intuition as a help on the journey.  It’s okay to ask your therapist to ensure you aren’t lost along the way, even if you feel lost.  I frequently ask my clients’ feedback on whether they believe we’re on the right path for them.  If not, we can consider changing directions.  You may enter therapy unsure of why you started.  Joining together with a trusted professional in the therapy space can ensure you are free to walk out your path toward a clear and positive destination.

Note: This information is not intended to replace the medical advice or treatment of a trained professional.  If you feel your needs are creating an unsafe situation for you or someone else, seek emergent care through your primary care physician or local emergency room.